Socially Disconnected in a Social Media World: How to keep Social Media from ruining your marriage

 We are living in the age of social media. With smartphones and social networking apps, many of us spend a great deal of time during our day with a device in our hands or at our fingertips. The way we communicate has changed and more “virtual” conversations are taking place than real conversations. And though the apps on your phone may seem harmless, they have the power to greatly interfere with your marriage. My husband and I are not naive and we understand that the internet is all around us. Always having access to our phones, we can take pictures, view news articles, and even experience a world through another person’s eyes. But the more attention given to our phones, the less attention we are giving to each other and that can be a recipe for disaster.          

Have you ever been “phubbed” by your spouse? I know you’re probably wondering what that is. Let me first say that me and my husband have both been guilty of “phubbing” that’s why we’re writing this blog post. An article printed in TIME back in 2018 defines “Phubbing” as snubbing someone you’re talking to face-to-face to look at your cell phone. Like we stated before, it may seem harmless, but over time it can hinder your marriage. The article goes on to mention that phubbing makes you feel less connected, it also can hurt your mental health and that it isn’t good for anyone. Your spouse should be your top priority, and they surely should take priority over your cell phone or electronic device. You probably read that sentence thinking to yourself that, that’s obvious. But how quickly when we receive a notification do we look at our phone, or send a quick email or like a friend’s post? A quick second or two… but that quick second can turn into a few minutes or a couple of hours and that can leave our spouse feeling ignored, rejected or disappointed. If we always have our faces frozen to our phone, we will miss the opportunities that are right in front of us.

So here are some things you can do to go from phubbing your spouse to prioritizing them:

1. Put your phones away or on silent during meal times or date nights.

2. Don’t bring your phone or electronic device to bed so that you can give your spouse your full attention before going to sleep.

3. Try to spend 30 electronic-free minutes with each other a day.

4. Make every effort to not be on a phone call, text or social media when you or your spouse arrives home so that you can greet them and give them your attention.

5. DON’T connect with, comment or message exes, old flames or anyone you’ve dated in the past. This is a recipe not only for disaster but it breaks trust between you and your spouse.

6. If you get up around the same time, then make sure to greet your spouse before checking your phone.

7. Share your passwords with your spouse so that there are no unknown interactions or accounts that they are unaware of. 

8. Turn off unnecessary notifications. 

9. Pursue intimacy with your spouse instead of what’s happening on your phone. Intimacy is not always sex (although sex is a necessary and healthy part of a good marriage).

Technology and social media makes it easier for people to communicate and connect with one another, but if we aren’t wise with the way that we use it, the opposite will happen in our marriage. Employing these simple suggestions can only benefit your connection and engagement with your spouse… and aren’t they worth it? Proverbs 3:9 says, “Honor the Lord with your wealth and with the first fruits of all your produce.” The term “first fruits” refers to the first and best crops that you produce. One way to honor your spouse is to give him or her the first fruits of your time. Instead of checking your phone as soon as you get in the car or lie down in bed together, give that attention to your spouse. So disconnect from social media, notifications, emails and technology and connect with your spouse, the one that deserves your first and best attention.