Surviving the Holidays

 One of our greatest joys in life is being parents. But not only are we parents but we are step-parents as well. We love our blended family that consists of 5 children, ages: 21, 19, 18, 10 and 7 and with Thanksgiving already gone and in the books we still have Christmas and the New Year celebrations to get through. So we are asked often, "how do you survive the holidays?" Well first off let's be real and let you know this is not a 70's sitcom situation, so we are not living The Brady Bunch blissful dream. But we do manage and we take everyone's wishes into consideration. Blending families comes with it's own set of challenges but it's not impossible to be successful at blending your family. This of course is not a post about blending families but about surviving the holidays. We'll save the joys of blending your families for another blog post in the near future. 

One thing we do realize is that the holidays can be a stressful and challenging time even under the best circumstances. But when you add the complexity of a blended family, now you have to take differing opinions, traditions and schedules into consideration. Holidays are revered as a time of joy, traditions. gratitude, laughter and most importantly family. The truth of being a blended family is that the "new" family unit is birthed out of a loss whether that's the death of a spouse or divorce so the holidays can be difficult for young children, teenagers and even adults. We have experienced loss, divorce and my husband grew up in a blended family so we don't consider ourselves experts but we can offer some encouragement to help you survive the holidays. 

Now this read is not filled with dread and despair. And the wonderful thing about surviving the holidays as a "new" family is that you have the opportunity to create new memories, new traditions and new beginnings. So here are a few ideas to help you reduce some of the stress and tension surrounding the holiday season and maximize your opportunities to build new memories and focus more on your time together. Believe us creating an atmosphere of joy, love and peace is the best gift you can give your children. And they will remember that long after the toys are broken, they outgrow them or as they get older and become adults. 

1. Plan: When we say plan we really mean plan EVERYTHING. Keeping plans simplistic for sure makes for less stress. Remember in your planning it's not just about you so make sure you communicate with co-parents and extended family (if necessary). Try to avoid last minute planning.

2. Say NO to competition: Do not get into competition over gifts or celebrations. How your children spend their time at your house may be different from how they spend their time with their other parent. But when you get into competition over who bought the best gifts or trying to turn the holiday into a Disneyland experience then you lose sight of the true purpose of not only spending valuable time with your family, but now you're broke. And your kid's genuine affection cannot and should not be bought.

3. Be Inclusive: Your stepchildren or extended step family are not "extras" they are just as much your family as your spouse is. Nobody wants to be treated or feel like the red-headed stepchild. So give consideration to others feelings, obligations and schedules.

4. Traditions: Make new traditions. Maybe you can blend some old family traditions with new family traditions or just make all new traditions. Creating new traditions can give your blended family the sense of togetherness and comfort. And these could grow into traditions that your children can look forward to each year with anticipation. 

5. Rise Above: Believe us when we say that children experience less anxiety when the adults in their lives behave in civil and respectable manners. Can this be challenging at times? Yes, but not impossible. We know (from experience) that challenging exes can be overwhelming. But the holidays. like we stated before are a time of peace so try to make that a priority. If not for yourself at least for your children. Rise to the challenge of remaining calm even when circumstances or the co-parent are trying your nerves. Just focus on your behavior rather than the behaviors of others. Don't allow your children to be robbed of the joy, peace and love that comes along with the holiday season.

6.Expect the Unexpected: What 😮! Well then why plan? Glad you asked that question. This does not negate everything we mentioned prior, it just allows for some cushion. Here's the thing when you are dealing with other people, schedules or plans sometimes things don't go as planned. You must be flexible and not rigid. If things go awry don't panic and don't blame individuals (including your children/step-children). Over analyzing or rationalizing doesn't always help. Just pick up the pieces and move on.

7. Take Care of Yourself and Your Marriage: Whether this is your first holiday season together as a blended family or you've been at it for years. It's vitally important to make sure you take care of yourself and your marriage. We understand that you want to make the holiday season memorable and wonderful for everyone but that should not come at the cost of your own sanity or your relationship. The holiday season will come and go but making your marriage a priority will help you and your spouse stay connected not just during the hectic holiday season but all year long.

These few tips we've shared are by no means the only things you can do to survive the holidays, but it's a start. If there is something you do that wasn't shared here, then please reach out and share some of your ideas or traditions with us. We'd love to hear from you. The holiday season is a reminder to us of God's love and so we want to wish you and your family a wonderful holiday season filled with love, joy and peace. Have a Merry Christmas and a happy, safe New Year.