Supporting your Spouse in a time of Need
How many of us have encountered a difficult time in our life and have felt all alone? Many of us if we are honest with ourselves know that we are not the most lovable when we are stressed, overwhelmed, or downtrodden. And if it is our spouse or loved one going through the difficult time we might not always know what to do or say. Life's moments come and sometimes they can take us by surprise moreover have us wondering "why me?" " or "how could this happen to me?" Sometimes these moments last for a day, or weeks maybe even months. But trials and difficult times are an imperative part of the "for better or for worse" included in your wedding vows.
When we are married it can be challenging to know how to support your spouse. When the difficult times arise all your spouse wants and needs is to feel loved, to feel safe, to feel like their emotions are validated. But what we don't want to do is kick them when they are already down 😟. Difficult times/situations are when we want to show our already stressed and overwhelmed spouse that love is the greatest gift of all, and love will be what comforts and guides them through the difficult times. "with all lowliness and gentleness, with long suffering, bearing with one another in love." (Ephesians 4:2 NKJV)
So here are some ways that you can offer your spouse support during a difficult time:
1. Be a source of strength ~ We sometimes go wrong with that cliche' statement "I know how you feel." let's not kid ourselves because most of time we don't know how they feel. Hug them, be affectionate, tell them you love them and that you have faith in them to get through this difficult time. Show your love and support to your spouse and allow them to deal with their emotions on their own terms. But reassure them that you are with them every step of the way if they need you.
2. Listen attentively (active listening) with an open heart, and do not criticize ~ Always strive to be an active listener and don't pass judgement. Listen with understanding (not hearing them but listening to them). Listening is the key to effective communication. Be mindful that when your spouse is going through a difficult time they need your encouragement and support more than your advice. Communicating with your spouse keeps you connected as a team.
3. Don't worry, be happy ~ You are your spouses biggest cheerleader. When someone truly loves you they challenge you and stand beside you when you need them. always try to keep your sense of humor (positive attitude). Even if you have to dig deep, find reasons to laugh together. Happiness is a gift that can never be stolen and although laughing won't fix the problem it will make your spouse feel better, even if for a moment. "A merry heart does good like medicine..." (Proverbs 17:22 NKJV)
4. Find a source of inspiration ~ Finding inspiration in dark times anchors our hope like nothing else, but sometimes during difficult times it can be hard to exercise our faith. So give your spouse a little nudge in the right direction. Tough times make tough people, and tough people find their strength in God. Encourage your spouse to find faith in the small victories during difficult times. Reminding them that God is always with them and He is bigger than any issue they may face.
5. Don't make it about yourself ~ Your spouse does not need to hear how their tough time is making you feel. Remember that your marriage is a sacred covenant so if you find yourself venting to others be respectful and mindful. Don't air your dirty laundry. Making the problem about yourself and complaining will only push your spouse away. Instead offer support, love, or compassion. If you are becoming overwhelmed then let someone else support you but it is crucial to respect your spouse's privacy and your marriage.
6. Don't make them ask for help ~ Does your spouse need your love, help, support, and wisdom? Yes, they absolutely do! Do they want to ask for it? Absolutely not! Most people want to figure things out on their own and carry the weight of burden on their back instead of having to ask for help. For some it's a humbling experience to admit you don't have it all under control, but instead of letting it get to that point when your spouse is already dealing with a difficult situation. Offer your help and continue to offer your help. Bring everything you do back to love.
7. Give them space ~ There is some pain and some trials that words alone cannot heal. Sometimes we just need to give our spouse space. It's ok to ask your spouse if they need space. If you give them space without asking you may seem cold or uncaring. Giving your spouse space doesn't mean you just leave them alone, it just means you're in tune with their needs. Be discerning and if you're unsure then just ask. You're still supporting your spouse even when you give them space.
Dealing with stress, overwhelming situations, or difficult times is never easy, but it is a part of life and we have to take the good with the bad. Even if your spouse is the rock or "strong" one in your relationship there will be moments when they need you to be the strength and the one who encourages. You must become the one who gives a little more support and love. The power of your actions and words cannot be underestimated. Love your spouse selflessly and support them unconditionally. Life can be a mess at times but with unconditional love we can help our partner survive even the difficult times. "Love... bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things." (1 Corinthians 13:7)
When we are married it can be challenging to know how to support your spouse. When the difficult times arise all your spouse wants and needs is to feel loved, to feel safe, to feel like their emotions are validated. But what we don't want to do is kick them when they are already down 😟. Difficult times/situations are when we want to show our already stressed and overwhelmed spouse that love is the greatest gift of all, and love will be what comforts and guides them through the difficult times. "with all lowliness and gentleness, with long suffering, bearing with one another in love." (Ephesians 4:2 NKJV)
So here are some ways that you can offer your spouse support during a difficult time:
1. Be a source of strength ~ We sometimes go wrong with that cliche' statement "I know how you feel." let's not kid ourselves because most of time we don't know how they feel. Hug them, be affectionate, tell them you love them and that you have faith in them to get through this difficult time. Show your love and support to your spouse and allow them to deal with their emotions on their own terms. But reassure them that you are with them every step of the way if they need you.
2. Listen attentively (active listening) with an open heart, and do not criticize ~ Always strive to be an active listener and don't pass judgement. Listen with understanding (not hearing them but listening to them). Listening is the key to effective communication. Be mindful that when your spouse is going through a difficult time they need your encouragement and support more than your advice. Communicating with your spouse keeps you connected as a team.
3. Don't worry, be happy ~ You are your spouses biggest cheerleader. When someone truly loves you they challenge you and stand beside you when you need them. always try to keep your sense of humor (positive attitude). Even if you have to dig deep, find reasons to laugh together. Happiness is a gift that can never be stolen and although laughing won't fix the problem it will make your spouse feel better, even if for a moment. "A merry heart does good like medicine..." (Proverbs 17:22 NKJV)
4. Find a source of inspiration ~ Finding inspiration in dark times anchors our hope like nothing else, but sometimes during difficult times it can be hard to exercise our faith. So give your spouse a little nudge in the right direction. Tough times make tough people, and tough people find their strength in God. Encourage your spouse to find faith in the small victories during difficult times. Reminding them that God is always with them and He is bigger than any issue they may face.
5. Don't make it about yourself ~ Your spouse does not need to hear how their tough time is making you feel. Remember that your marriage is a sacred covenant so if you find yourself venting to others be respectful and mindful. Don't air your dirty laundry. Making the problem about yourself and complaining will only push your spouse away. Instead offer support, love, or compassion. If you are becoming overwhelmed then let someone else support you but it is crucial to respect your spouse's privacy and your marriage.
6. Don't make them ask for help ~ Does your spouse need your love, help, support, and wisdom? Yes, they absolutely do! Do they want to ask for it? Absolutely not! Most people want to figure things out on their own and carry the weight of burden on their back instead of having to ask for help. For some it's a humbling experience to admit you don't have it all under control, but instead of letting it get to that point when your spouse is already dealing with a difficult situation. Offer your help and continue to offer your help. Bring everything you do back to love.
7. Give them space ~ There is some pain and some trials that words alone cannot heal. Sometimes we just need to give our spouse space. It's ok to ask your spouse if they need space. If you give them space without asking you may seem cold or uncaring. Giving your spouse space doesn't mean you just leave them alone, it just means you're in tune with their needs. Be discerning and if you're unsure then just ask. You're still supporting your spouse even when you give them space.
Dealing with stress, overwhelming situations, or difficult times is never easy, but it is a part of life and we have to take the good with the bad. Even if your spouse is the rock or "strong" one in your relationship there will be moments when they need you to be the strength and the one who encourages. You must become the one who gives a little more support and love. The power of your actions and words cannot be underestimated. Love your spouse selflessly and support them unconditionally. Life can be a mess at times but with unconditional love we can help our partner survive even the difficult times. "Love... bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things." (1 Corinthians 13:7)
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